Relationships and Animal Instincts

Relationships and Animal Instincts.

Relationships are beautiful and they are one of the reasons why life is so interesting and enjoyable. We are social Animals and relationships make our existence complete [?]. Relationships in Human beings are refined, profound, meaningful and multidimensional. While in Animals, relationships are pretty primitive and basic. That does not mean we undermine or disrespect relationships in Animals. From their perspective, from their logic, from their instincts, those relationships are perfect [If at all there is something called perfect] for them.

There are a few, basic kind of relationships in Human or Animal societies. They are Mother-Child [Maternal Love] Father-Child [Paternal Love], Male-Female [Romantic Love][ Sexual for Animals], Male-Female [Brother-Sister Love], Male-Male [Brotherly love or Friendship, ], Female-Female [Sisterly love or Friendship]. There are more complex relationships too, but let’s skip that because that will lead us to a big diversion. Let me deal with it in another book.

And of course there are “Need based” relationships. We all need them to survive in this world.

For Human beings, Maternal Love, Paternal Love, and to a certain extent Romantic Love are on very strong grounds. These are the kind of relationships that last life long. They do face their share of turbulence but they generally survive. In Human societies they are meant to survive, they are lauded if they survive and they are damned if they don’t. Other relationships are to a certain degree, on shaky grounds. There are exceptions and we all have heard the great friendship stories and we all have heard of the sibling love. Yet, time is the biggest healer and the biggest separator too. People drift away from their friends and siblings as time takes them to different phases in life. Sometimes geography plays ‘the big divider’. Priorities change and so does the intensity in relationships.

The greatest love is a mother's; then a dog's; then a sweetheart's.

Proverb

Let’s see how it works for Animals.

For Animals, apart from relationships which are based on Maternal Love, Paternal Love, most other relationships are need based.

For Animals, Need based relationships work only when both the individuals remain interested in each other either for security, or for food or for reproduction.

Look at the Animal world. The strongest relationship is definitely that of ‘mother and child’. The mammals are warm blooded Animals where mothers suckle babies with milk. If mammals ever had any ‘Logo’ for their fraternity it would be ‘A mother suckling her baby with milk’. Mothers give birth to babies and take care of them till they become young and strong enough to fend for themselves. The Mother is the greatest selfless giver, Mothers give all the time. Mothers give birth, give milk, give security, give food. That is why this relationship is the most important relationship in any mammal’s life- Human or Animal.

Mother Lionesses some times spend their entire life time with their daughters. Lion pride is a group of such very closely related females like mother, sisters, and daughters. The resident alfa male may change regularly but the core members of the pride remain the same. They are these closely related females. Old aging male may not have any place in the pride but old aging lioness can remain a part of the pride and she gets her share of food even when she is not able to take part in the grueling and often non productive hunts. Her daughters, sisters, grand daughters are considerate towards her, as much as a wild Animal can be. Do not apply a Human view and start looking for a ‘home for the aged’ there. Getting security, getting food is big deal for the aging lioness.

Hyena clans are led by dominant mothers, they take turns and guard the cubs, which are carefully tucked inside narrow boroughs in the ground. When the clan is out on a hunt, a couple of adult females are deputed to guard the cubs.

Similarly, the Elephant matriarch, some times, if nature allows [meaning no natural deaths], spends her entire lifetime with her daughters. It is a bond that survives the entire lifetime. The matriarch who is the largest and most experienced female and all other members are related to her either as her daughters, grand daughters, sisters or their calves. Young males are encouraged to leave and fend for themselves. This helps them stop inbreeding. Young elephants take mother’s milk for as long as 5 to 7 years, which is many years more than an average Human baby that takes mother’s milk.

In solitary cats like Tigers, Leopards and Cheetahs, mother’s whole life revolves around protecting the cubs and providing food for the cubs.

Wildebeest, Deer, and Buffalo Moms risk their lives to protect the calves from bigger predators.

Mother and child is a very strong relationship and since it is seen in Animals as well as Humans it can safely be called an Animal instinct. But what about the father and son relationship?

Animals do not offer a very rosy picture for father and son relationship. Fathers and sons are better off in Human beings than Animals.

Lions are social Animals and generally good fathers till the cubs are very young and growing. A male Lion offers security to the cubs and is usually playful with them but as the male cubs grow older they are promptly chased away from the pride.

Among solitary predators like Polar Bears and solitary cats like Tigers, Leopards and Cheetahs the fathers take no responsibility in raring and protecting the cubs. It is the mother who takes care of the cubs. However, the father could harm the cub if the cub is found without mother’s protection.

Similarly, Hyppo fathers have no role in raising the young, on the contrary, their own blood is at the risk of loosing life if they stray too much away from their mothers and too close to their father’s comfort. Hippo males can recklessly kill young hippos and strangely not for eating but to cut competition for food if the group is crowded.

Fox, Wild Dog fathers are excellent fathers. They provide food and security to the young ones. The fathers take on mighty predators to save the young. They help the mothers raise the young.

The Elephant father is another ‘absent’ father. He visits various herds only to mate with the females and is gone soon after that.

Chimps, Gorillas, Baboons are mere passable fathers. They do not take any part in raring the young but they offer security to the young. They are all social mammals and stay in groups. The group is a secure place for the young. If he strays away from the group the young becomes an easy target of predators. However, if a predator targets the young while the group is around then others could come to his help and try to chase away the predator. With big predators of course they do not stand a chance.

But, For Human beings Father-Son relationship is definitely different. Father-son is a much celebrated relationship in Human beings. Human beings raise the children as a team- called family. The Family comprises of the father, the mother and some times other close relatives pitch in too. Conventionally, the father earns the livelihood for the family, the mother is in charge on the home front and kids enjoy all that parents have offered to them. Both the parents, father and mother, develop a strong bond with their children. That is why what is seen in some Animals as ‘maternal love’ is seen among Humans as ‘parental love’. For Human beings parental love means the relationship of the child with the mother and the father and sometimes the extended family too. All family members love each other.

Human fathers are much better fathers than most of their Animal counterparts.

Now, what about the relationships that are ‘need based’? Let’s study the Animals first.

Adult growing up male Lions when thrown out of their pride, form a group of their own, it is called a group of nomads. It is a completely need based group. Their common need is to survive together and part when the need is over. Visiting males become members of the group, leave the group within a few days, join back again, whenever they want. They hunt together and eat together. Being a part of the group offers them greater security from other predators. The hunts become easier as every one pitches in. There are a few males in that group of nomads who have reached their prime and are waiting for an appropriate time to attack the alfa male from the neighboring pride. A few Lions continue and spend their life in the group of nomads till they die. Basically they all join hands when there is a need to do so but they go their separate ways once that need is over.

Elephant adult bulls visit Elephant herds only for mating. Female elephants prefer the biggest and the most powerful male for mating. Male elephants fight with each other for their right to mate. Once the mating is over, the Bulls leave the herd pretty soon and roam around on their own. The male is almost like a ‘Sperm Donor’ father. Once ‘that’ job is done he is actually not ‘required’ by the herd. It is only because of his size and power that big bulls can afford to be on their own. Generally “Solitary” means danger and you are risking an attack by a group of predators.

Many adult vanquished Chimp males, are tolerated by the current alfa male. The old male looses the priority right to mate the females but he participates in the hunts. He becomes submissive to the new boss. Old male would be an easy target of other predators if he becomes solitary, he needs a group. He seeks safety in the group and it is granted to him by the new ruler, in return, being an experienced hunter, he hunts along with all others and proves his worth in the group. He ‘needs’ the group to live longer, the group ‘needs’ him as a hunter and as a soldier for better safety of the group. They ‘need’ each other.

For Human beings the relationships are more complex than Animals. Our need based relationships are related to business, sometimes with relatives, and many times with strangers.

Human beings do what Animals never do, we generate money. We need money to earn a living. We earn money by working for an employer or for working for ourselves. We make many ‘need’ based relationships so as to ‘get work’ and ‘sale our products’. I am talking a very basic language because we are comparing our actions with Animals and Animal’s need based relationships. The tone kind of lacks refinement and money making, which is a very sophisticated art, and probably, deserves more respect than this. But if we get caught in glorifying that art we will kind of loose focus from ‘Money needed for survival’. Oh Yes, of course, money plays a much bigger role than just satisfying your needs, money gets you a Ferrari too but in this chapter we are only considering ‘Money needed for survival’. We are not talking about profits, investments, capital so on and so fourth.

Man is a money-making Animal, which propensity too often interferes with his benevolence.
Herman Melville

Money is an all engrossing subject and ……see the diversion has happened already, going back to basics…….when a Human makes a need based relationship in business, it is based on two considerations.

1. Some one ‘needs’ your skills, so he hires you and you ‘need’ money to earn a living, so you offer your time and skills to him in return of money.
2. Some one ‘needs’ your product and you sell that product to the buyer because you ‘need’ that money to earn a living.

All ‘employer- employee’ relationships and all ‘buyer –seller’ relationships in the world come under these two categories. Any one who is trying to earn money comes under this, unless of course it is a robbery or a theft.

It is a very simple, ‘need’ based relationships work. Whether it happens in a small village or it happens in a plush NY office. Say, a villager sells vegetables and earns money, an arm dealer sells weapons to a nation and earns money. A worker works in a mine and earns daily wages, a banker works for a multinational bank and gets a hefty package. They all are trying to earn money and they all get into some ‘need’ based relationships with other individuals or group of individuals.

In both the ‘need’ based relationships, individuals come together for their individual needs, satisfy those needs and move on. Some times the relationships develop into intimate relationships but those are exceptions. We need, ‘need’ based relationships for survival. Man needs to earn money in the modern world. His basic survival is based on his ability to earn money.

The simple argument would be, What about the super rich? They do not need money for survival. They have enough. But no, they need more money all the time too. They can not afford to slow down. It is important for them that they multiply the income regularly. They need money for fun, entertainment, material comforts and yes for a Yacht, a Ferrari a Pent House. More the Merrier…..

See, that social group has the same anxieties, like that of an ordinary man trying to earn a living. Money is always short for both of them. The rich may not have to worry about, from where the next meal is coming but they have to constantly worry about how they want to outdo their social rivals in buying the most exclusive and the most expensive thing that money can buy. If you are not ‘happening’ you lose your position. There are richer, younger and smarter competitors always trying to out perform you. This means you need to earn….err amass…….. more wealth and more wealth to be there in that social circle.

Anyway, we are more concerned about ‘need based relationships’ than the money part.

So to sum it up, Like Animals we too make need based relationships. Making need based relationships is an Animal instinct because we have observed it in both Humans and Animals.

Hey, hey hold on. How can I finish this without one sub-yet-special category under ‘need based relationships’? I have a special dislike for this one. It is a relationship when a young Human male offers a ‘shoulder to cry on’ to a young Human female or vice versa, and there is no blood relationship [in older age groups and in same sex, situations it is not so bad]. Be wary of the ‘shoulder guys’. These BXXXXXS are usually the ones who want to hop in bed with the one who is crying. The ‘show’ of sympathy is great but it does not always lead to ‘having relief from stress’. It takes you to the murky lane of lust. The big shoulder guy exploits the emotional weakness of the crying person. An emotionally weak person can drop her guard and the ‘Shoulder’ guy is always waiting to use that weak moment. He is ostensibly showing sympathy to you but he has much more on his mind than mere sympathy. I am not the type who uses XXXX for words but I told you this relationship was special. What happens in Animals? Try a guess? An Animal would not offer a ‘shoulder to cry on’. Also, they do not cry. There is no place for cry babies, it is a tough world out there. There is no place for pseudo sympathy either.

SEPERATION, When we talk about relationships, how can we forget separation? I may sound a little insensitive, but it is completely unintentional, let me assure you.  It is a bit rude and no one wants to hear this, but all relationships end, at least in this life. I know, this demands explanation, especially in the Human area but we need to be patient and see the Animal domain first because that is our pattern. We have studied the Animals first and then drawn parallels with Humans.

What happens with Animals? Let’s see all the relationships in Animals.

First, the mother and cub relationship. Death is the biggest separator of all. Lion, Leopard, Cheetah, Tiger mothers lose their cubs as most of the cubs do not survive. They fall prey to other predators, they die of hunger, they get injured and succumb to the injuries. Same goes for the Crocs, Chimps, Hippos and Wild dogs. Mortality rate among the young is very high in the wild.

Worst, a lot of them die due to hostility from their own kind. Especially in the Lion prides, every successful takeover bid means a massacre of all cubs by the new lord. He does this to get the suckling mothers back in season and he wants his genes to go to the next generation and not his rival’s genes, so he mates the females and sires his own cubs. He gives his own cubs a chance and denies the chance to the cubs of his predecessor. The lionesses fight with tooth and nail to save their cubs but give up in the end. This is one of the most tragic ends of relationship between a mother and a cub, that one ever gets to see.

Deer, Zebra, Wildebeest calves are snatched from their mothers and taken away by the predators like Lions, Cheetahs, Leopards, Hyenas and Crocs. Mothers put up brave fights but if the opposition is too strong they are forced to give up. Animal mothers know, somewhere deep within, the Animal instinct tells them that they need to survive so that they could reproduce again. It is fine from a Human perspective to say that mother could give her own life to save babies, but not so from Animal perspective.

The remarkable part in all these separations is how the Animal mother deals with it. It is nothing but admirable how the mother gets over this tragedy in the shortest possible time and moves on. Does that make her unkind? Does she love them less? Of course not. These are all Human considerations where intensity of pain/loss due to death of the near and dear one is directly connected with intensity in wailing and time spent in the bereavement. Animals do not have those expressions or they have limited expressions. They grieve for sure but get over real fast. Man is the worst Animal when it comes to deal with death. He is so unprepared and scared of that word that mere mention of death can make him sweat. Animals seem better equipped to deal with the death of near and dear ones.

Animals have one thing always on their minds, it is survival of the fittest. An Animal mother never looses her grace during that period of loss. She may look a little unsettled, she may look forlorn but it is just a matter of time and she is back doing what she does best- move on in life. She is a survivor and therefore a winner in the wild.

What happens to need based relationships in Animals?

Separation is never an issue in need based relationships in Animals. Those alliances and tie-ups are made with the view to serve each other’s needs. Once the needs are served the separation is easy and there is no hurt.

Now the real perplexing and not so pleasant reality check- Separation for Humans.

Generally people are hypocritical and they never call a spade a spade. Some times calling a spade a spade is not a pleasant thing to do. Sometimes it is politically incorrect to call a spade a spade. Everybody wants to be politically correct.

Death of the near and dear one’s unsettles Humans. Death forces people to drop the hypocrisy, shed garbs. Death exposes them to the stark reality and nobody likes the stark reality. In short the subject of separation due to death is untouchable, unwanted, unpleasant and makes us sad. But can we leave it like that? No we can not, we deal with it but let’s do it with more tact.

The Mother is not separated from the babies in Human beings as severely as she is separated in the Animal world. Thank god for that. Firstly the mortality rate among the babies in modern societies is low. Human beings are lucky that the medical help is relatively easily available. Kids as they grow, some times leave the parent’s house but there are ample opportunities to get together and stay in touch. Yes, it is again the death that works as a separator. It is the death that ends the relationship in most cases.

And how Human beings deal with this separation, by death? Very badly. Human beings look and behave their worst when they encounter this situation. They look utterly helpless. They tend to loose grace. Different cultures have different parameters for expression of wailing and bereavement. Generally it is hell.

We are, perhaps, uniquely among the earth's creatures, the worrying Animal. We worry away our lives, fearing the future, discontent with the present, unable to take in the idea of dying, unable to sit still.

Lewis Thomas

What happens when there is separation in Romantic love relationship? Humans formalize their alliance with the partner of the opposite sex with whom he/she has a romantic relationship by marrying him/her. Whoooo. That’s it, you better be politically correct in your expressions when you talk about Humans. How would I describe the same relationship if Animals ever got married? ‘Male seals the bond by marrying the female with whom he has sexual relationship or/and she has given birth to his cubs’. Something like this description would be close to this hypothetical Animal marriage. But do not think Animals are dumb, they just do not marry………jokes apart, marriage is a very old and strong institution among Humans.

For Human beings, Marriage is a life long bond between a man and a woman. Marriage is also a symbol of law abiding nature and organized social structure of Humans. Marriage is uniquely Human and requires that refined Human nature to make it work. If Animal instincts are attraction and lust in a male female romantic relationship, Humans need virtues like sacrifice, loyalty, integrity if the same relationship is to culminate in a marriage. You need those virtues if the marriage has to work.

Separation leaves nothing untouched, especially in relationships. And marriages are no exception. Though marriages are supposed to survive the life time, some times they do not. Partners cite differences with the spouses and they separate. Death separates too. Death is the regular villain. In short, this delicately described Romantic Love [Male-Female] relationship in Human beings succumbs to separation too-Sad. The culprits are man made disasters like ‘differences’ and a natural disaster like ‘death’.

What about separation in the need based relationships for Humans? This is easy, man is always in a hurry to end the need based relationships, once the need is successfully satisfied. He wants to get over that and move ahead and get into another more profitable need based relationship.

Remember, ‘one night stand’ is our own exclusive Human concept. The ‘need’ is over and so is the relationship. Interesting!

There is also separation by accident, separation due to succession fights and a few more. I am not getting into the separation issue further, it tires me down. Use your imagination and stay in the murky zone, if you want and if you have a special appetite for it, I do not have it….I am getting out of it quick and fast…..

Now on a more serious and somber note,

Like every dark cloud has a silver lining, separation too brings in ‘Change’. ‘Change’ drives the evolution process. The change is followed by new life and new life means opportunities to evolve. Anything that helps evolution has its definite and distinct role in Natural History. That means ‘Separation’, pleasantly or unpleasantly plays a very important role in the evolution process.

Talking about dark clouds, at the end of this chapter, I want to touch the darker side of our brain. I am touching an unpleasant but a very important relationship practiced by Humans. It is ‘Forced Unnatural Sexual Relationship’. FUSR for me is a constant reminder of we live in an ‘Imperfect world’. You question, ‘Is equality, opportunities for all a big sham?’ ‘What is the truth?’

Here is a smart riddle on Truth though. Is there something called universal truth? Or is my perception of the matter, my truth and your perception of that matter, your truth? Can his truth be my truth? I would say, let my truth be his truth, instead of vice versa. I am better off that way. It is complex. Millions of people all around the world are being taken for a ride because they embrace somebody else’s idea of truth as ‘My truth’. Scary….

Moving on, on FUSR….

I do not want to get too much involved into the subject of FUSR, the subject sucks, however we need knowledge to combat the problem. So check this out.

Animals engage in mating because of their Animal instinct to reproduce and transfer the genes to the future generation. A male mammal in wild will get to a female and will do anything to mate with her if she is biologically ready. Please notice ‘If she is biologically ready’. It means, he knows that her eggs are fertile and she is not in immediate blood relation. In short, for him, she is ready for reproduction. During that period the females are naturally attracted to males too because of ‘her’ Animal instincts to reproduce and the fact that she needs to see a healthy and strong male to ensure healthy and strong offsprings. So it is quite an example of ‘sex between two consenting adults- the Animal way’. However the audio visual experience of that act may give a different impression, sometimes. That is because all the involved individuals are extremely wary of each other, especially the carnivorous. Since Animals come together for a special purpose, the trust level is usually very low. In Tigers, Leopards, Cheetahs the trust level is very low because they are solitary and are meeting only for ‘that’ purpose. They want to get into the act but definitely do not want to get hurt due to any scuffle due to misunderstanding.  In Social mammals like Lions, Chimps, Hyenas the trust level is higher as they are living together in the herd for a considerable period. In Elephants, Deers, Wildebeests it is much much peaceful than the carnivorous mammals.

However, they do it what they got to do and they seem quite content after doing it. I hope my truth is their truth too [?]

What happens with the Humans? For Humans ‘Coming together’ is not only for reproduction. Most of the times it is NOT for reproduction at all. And frankly, I do not care and it is not my business if it is NOT for reproduction. It is also not my business if it is extra marital, marital, same sex, different race, day, night, on terrace, inside washrooms,….. whatever.

But

It sucks when it is not between two consenting adults. And some times one of the partners is not even an adult too, when one of the partners [mostly in this situation, females] is being forced into this act, when one of the partners is fooled to get into the act. I am talking about child rape. Thousands of female, some times male children, all over the world become victims of this heinous crime every day. The psychological hurt it inflicts on the victims is irreparable. The scars are too deep to ever get filled fully in one life time. Many times, the victim’s life is permanently ruined. It is a global problem, it transcends all divides of rich, poor, urban, rural, regions, religions, continents, cultures and languages. 

Humans score really low opposite Wild Animals in FUSR. It is strange that Animals score better over Humans in an area which is very conveniently blamed as ‘Animal behavior’ by Humans.

Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity- these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher Animals there is no trace of them.” 

Mark Twain

Of all the Animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.  

Mark Twain